Given the national security implications of the documents, most jurists assumed a federal judge would do nothing to block the Justice Department’s investigation. But on Monday, federal judge Aileen Cannon granted Trump’s request for an independent “special expert” to classify related documents from those protected by the attorney-client privilege and barred the Justice Department from using the seized materials until that is completed. work. “You know the old saying, ‘Justice delayed is just what he wants because it only takes time to shred the evidence,’” Colbert joked. Cannon’s order also instructs the special master to watch out for documents potentially shielded by executive privilege. “But it is no longer executive!” Colbert exclaimed. “Joe Biden is. So he has no privilege here. It’s like telling a bad cop, “Okay, you’re fired. Give your badge and your gun, but you can keep the car because we know you love the siren. And you can keep the gun.” “This decision is awful,” Colbert said of the special gentleman’s name. “So why is Judge Cannon going so far into this very, very silly piece of law? I don’t know, maybe because he was appointed by the former president and confirmed a few days after the 2020 presidential election. “Well, she’s a brand new judge, chosen by the guy who committed the crimes to preside over the jurisdiction that includes the place where he committed the crimes,” he concluded. “This is like if the Super Bowl referee was Tom Brady’s dad.”
Jimmy Kimmel
“What happened this summer?” asked Jimmy Kimmel upon his return from a summer away from television. “Women lost their right to choose, monkey pox spread, and Batgirl was cancelled. I’ll never leave again, I promise. “Speaking of leaving, Trump is in serious legal trouble,” he continued. “I was trying to understand how he could think he had the right to take all these documents into his home. It’s strange that a person who barely reads would even want documents. It’s like discovering your dog collects stamps. “Trump continues to claim he declassified the documents, which he didn’t in the first place,” he added. “Secondly, even if he had, which he didn’t, that’s even crazier. It’s like finding your wife in bed with another man and she says, “It’s okay, I took my ring off first.” In other news, Russia announced a new lifetime travel ban on 25 Americans, including the Commerce Secretary, six US senators and actor Ben Stiller. “Funny, every Russian we impose is some sweaty evil oligarch dumping poison in the ocean or something. Russia turns around and bans Zoolander,” Kimmel mused.
Trevor Noah
On the Daily Show, Trevor Noah weighed in on the appointment of the “special master” to handle classified documents seized at Mar-a-Lago. “What will be interesting is who they choose for that job, because the judge gave each side until Friday to put together a list of proposals,” he noted. “I suppose the judge hopes they overlap?” Such common ground will be difficult, Noah surmised, given that “the Justice Department will be submitting the names of former attorneys general and FBI directors, and the list on Trump’s side will be Jared. [Kushner]the Hamburglar, a paper shredder over a toilet; “Once again, Donald Trump has revealed a part of America that I’m willing to bet no one knew existed,” Noah added, noting that after watching “10 million hours of Law & Order” he still hadn’t heard of someone special teacher. . “Once again, thanks to Trump, because of his hard work and dedication to committing crimes, we all learned something new today.”
Seth Meyers
And on Late Night, Seth Meyers took a deep dive into the criminal investigation into Trump, in which he “apparently just jacked off[ed] a bunch of closely guarded government secrets from the White House and keep them in the closet of his gilded swamp hotel like the rest of us hoard old receipts from CVS.” The month of August, in news terms, was “about three centuries,” so Meyers recalled that these documents were some of the most sensitive the government has — material meant to be kept only in secure government facilities. In other words, Trump put potentially compromising intelligence information “in the basement of Trump’s Palm Beach wedding venue for dentists and their second wives, where a bunch of spies or tourists or Trump’s grown sons could just wander in and they see them”. And besides, some of the document folders were empty. “Where did the documents in those folders go?” Myers wondered. “Did Trump give these as party favors to club members? When you sit down at your table, does the menu give you a choice of chicken, fish or nuclear codes? “All this time, I thought that foreign spies had to go to great lengths to infiltrate highly secure government buildings,” he said, “and it turns out that all they have to do is sit next to Trump at his bar omelet”.
